1.The new Chelsea boss has vowed to make Fernando Torres twice the player he was last season. I can't wait to see his two goals.
2.Did you know that, if you watch Lord of the Rings backwards, it's a story about a little guy who gets a cool ring from a volcano and spends the rest of the film walking home...
3. My friend sent me a text tonight asking if I wanted to go see Saw with the lads. They thought the movie sucked....... But that was nothing compared to my crappy night sitting in a playground waiting for them to show up.
4. How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
5. The thing I love most about this hot weather is the Short Skirts and Low Cut Tops. Although, they do make me look a bit gay.
6. Does anyone else find it strange that you can set your religion on Facebook to "Amish"?
7.My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian...
8.I put a hundred quids worth of fuel into my car and then drove off without paying. Unfortunately the police caught me after a short chase. I ran out of petrol half a mile down the road.
9.It's Rebecca Black's birthday today, today she is 14, last year she was 13, next year she is 15, and 16 comes after that.
10. My girlfriend and I went to stay with her parents at the weekend, but her dad wouldn't let us sleep together........ Which is a shame, because I really fancy him.
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