10 Jokes a Day: The Wayne Rooney Edition

1.Man City are expected to win the race to sign Wayne Rooney after offering him 230 Grans a week.

2.Saw a picture of Wayne Rooney's kid in The Sun today. Anyone else think he looked a bit like John Terry?

3.Apparently Wayne Rooney was deprived as a child. Of oxygen by the looks of it.

4.Why did Wayne Rooney cross the ball?   Because he's too thick to sign his own name.                        

5. Wayne Rooney is pleased to announce that he's signed up  for a five book deal.........That's an awful lot of crayons he's gonna get through.

6.What have Alex Ferguson and a prostitute got in common?   They both have to pull Wayne Rooney off after a poor performance.

7.Sports Latest - Doctors have just confirmed that Wayne Rooney's hair transplant has rejected his face.                        
8.Wayne Rooney's video game out now: Pre-Evolution Soccer.

9. Wayne Rooney - "United have won so many trophies I can't count."  He's missing a full stop after trophies there.

10.Just seen that Wayne Rooney has spent £1200 on a hooker. Thats about 1% of his weekly wage.   Would hate to see what I'd get for 1% of my wages.

10 Jokes a Day: The Emile Heskey Edition

1. I think that Emile Heskey would play much better if he spent more time training and less time endorsing Premier Inn.    
                   
2. England players: protect yourself from Emile Heskey by disguising yourself as a goal.                        

3. A new Mr Men character has been suggested, based on Emile Heskey.   Mr Sitter.                        

4. Bin laden is dead! Killed by a stray shot from Emile Heskey.                        

5. Following Ryan Giggs' new deal with Manchester United, Emile Heskey thinks it's about time he had talks about getting a new contract. His agent is confident he can get him 300 minutes and unlimited texts for £25.00 a month.

6. Emile Heskey went on a large shooting spree in Birmingham...  No-one was hit.

7. How do you confuse Emile Heskey?  Give him a football.                        

8. Today in a pre-season training session, Emile Heskey's 1000 shots all hit the net. Shame they were playing tennis.

9. Nothing says you've conceded defeat like bringing on Emile Heskey.

10. Emile Heskey has hit out at his critics.  ...and missed.

10 Jokes a Day: The Chuck Norris Edition!

1. When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

2. Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.

3. Chuck Norris Lost His Virginity Before His Dad.

4. When God said "let there be light"  Chuck Norris said "say please".

5. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.                       

6. One day, a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg...  After five days of deathly pain, the cobra finally died.

7. I played Chuck Norris at Connect Four.  He beat me in three moves!      
               
8. With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.                        
9. Chuck Norris is the only guy to read twilight and not be gay.

10. Specsavers should have gone to Chuck Norris.   

Check out RECESSIONBEATINGTIPS.COM to see which joke is the joke of the day!